In a Funk.

It's late. Like 11:00 pm. That's late for a mom of an eight-month-old. Chandler, Waverly, and Fenway are all asleep with visions of "Black Friday" all in their heads; except for Fenway who is most likely having visions of sugar plums. I laid in bed for a while tossing and turning, but my mind wouldn't shut off. So I got up to blog in hopes that by focusing my thoughts I'll find some peace enough to sleep. And some accountability to "turn my frown upside down".

Truth be told, the holidays are a bit difficult around our house, especially this year with a baby. While most are able to relax and enjoy a few days (or weeks) with family, our life gets a little more hectic. Let me clarify: Chandler's work life gets a ton more hectic which, in turn, affects Waverly and I. He works 10, 11, sometimes 12 hour days/evenings, so it's just Waverly and I a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with the best thing to ever happen to us, but I really miss my best friend and "teammate". Taking care of a child and home by yourself is hard work, despite what those who don't stay at home may think, and my heart goes out to single moms. I eagerly await the end of the holidays just so life can be boring and normal.

On the other hand, as much as I want to, I do not bite the hand that feeds me. In honor of Thanksgiving, I am thankful that my husband has a job that allows me to stay home with Waverly. I am thankful for his boss, who is also a friend, because he took Chandler "back" from his horrible job at Starbucks. And I am thankful that Chandler loves his job... for the most part :)

Dog leg: While we got to spend some good time with my step mom's family and Chandler's family, my heart hurts because I miss my mom and dad's families so much right now. It's actually really strange that I feel this way because I'm used to not seeing either family often since they live out of state, but there's just something about having a child and the holidays that makes me heartsick for my family. And there's something about the comfort of being with extended family who have known you and loved you since the day you were born. Sometimes you just miss them, you know?

Wah waahh, right? Just call me "Debbie Downer". But I do feel a little better. Maybe it's a girl thing or maybe it's just a Kelli thing, but I get in a funk sometimes where I'm sad about everything and Chandler has to hear all of my woes and wait patiently for the storm to pass. This time I just went straight to the Scripture. I know I need to allow myself to be comforted by the Lord and His Word. I shut myself in the office earlier to give myself some time alone, for my sanity and for my spirituality. I just prayed and let Him speak to me through His Word. I came across Psalm 19:14 which says,

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." 

Later, as I lay in bed attempting to fall asleep, I chided myself for not allowing the "meditation of my heart" to be pleasing and acceptable to Him. My heart was not at peace and I was not resting in Him, "my rock". So, I came downstairs to focus, which led me here, and as I sat down, my eyes caught Waverly's first craft ceremoniously stuck to the refrigerator. On it, in honor of Thanksgiving, there is Scripture written that says,

"Give thanks to him and praise his name." (Ps 100:4b)

I guess that's all I really needed to see.